alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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