my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
