OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
