i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
