Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
