you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize