I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
