guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
