So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
