There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
