my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
