As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
