dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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