Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
