remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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