last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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