i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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