but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
