Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sext me about skeletons
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
