You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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