I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
