i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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