so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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