That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
