NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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