Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
