you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
