I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
