I puked a lego.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
