so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize