So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
