was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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