Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
