respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
