I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ketchup is God's man juice
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize