Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
