Who wears a wallet chain?!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
