if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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