I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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