I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
