first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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