It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
