It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
