fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
