Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
