I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
