I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize