I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
