The best revenge is premature balding
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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