Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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