Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
