i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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