Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
