You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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