He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
ttyl tear gas
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
