when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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