you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
