i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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