I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize