So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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