I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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