the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
