apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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