chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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