If i could tip my vagina, i would.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
